GOD MOVES IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS
by Trish Iturralde
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Why were you born? All of us, we were born for a purpose. And I was still wondering what might my purpose be?
After graduating in college, I learned a degree that I think will suit my talents. And I believe I am very talented. We all are. But I kept these talents hidden for a long time. I have so many fears and doubts in myself.
I started reviewing for the licensure examination. I even enrolled myself in a review center. I really wanted to be a registered civil engineer in my country, that bad! For six months, there was nothing else I did but to study, study and study. The examination days came. It was a two-day examination. I didn’t get nervous. I was hopeful and contented. But the thing I noticed about myself, I doubt myself. I doubt that God would not give the desire of my heart. Day 1 was okay. But Day 2, I had the feeling of being suicidal (just kidding). And that feeling decided for me. The result came and as I expected, I didn’t pass the examination. I cried so hard. I was asking, “Why? I studied hard. I even slept at wee hours just to study more and more. Why?” I was so devastated. All of my friends made it. I was a failure. I failed my family and I failed myself. It took months before I recover from the pain failure brought me.
But God doesn’t sleep. It took me to fail the examination before I realized that my family loved me still even I thought I was a failure. That was the first time I ever thanked my mother for all the things she have done for me and for the family. That was the first time I hugged her and it was one of the most peaceful feeling I’ve ever felt.
After three years, I decided to take the examination again. It took me that long to have the courage to take the examination. I am currently an instructor at my alma mater. It was hard, being a teacher during weekdays (preparing the lessons, checking the papers, recording the scores) and a reviewee during weekends. But I tried it anyway. I studied so hard even until 3 in the morning. I tried my best to put all the formulae in my mind in the very short time.
Before the examination, I knew I was prepared though there are some things that I didn’t know. Day 1. I was stressed because I walked for kilometres. It was also the first day of APEC Summit. Day 2 was the same. I was confident that will pass the examination this time. I prayed so hard and thanked God for the blessings He bestowed on me. I prayed that I would return everything to Him and proclaim to the world how He loved me when He let me pass the examination. I watched “Facing the Giants” movie many times to inspire me that God is preparing something good for me. I will return all the glory and honor to Him.
I was prepared to pass. But the result came so sudden and I was so shocked at first to realize my name was not included in the list of passers. I started to cry without knowing what to do the day after. I was so afraid. What will my co-teachers say about me? They were really expecting I would hit it this time. What will my students say for having a second-time failure teacher? How will I teach them if they don’t believe me? HOW WILL I FACE MY FEAR? I wasn’t prepared for this. I cried in my mother’s arms. I felt it was good being in her arms again after 26 years.
The day after, I woke up having those dried tears in my eyes. I was afraid to go to school but I needed to. And when I did, many people consoled me. That was when I realized that God’s hands were extending to me. I can feel their understanding and realized that it was not the end of the world. There is something more to life. God’s plan is not let me pass the examination this time but in His right time. Right now, I need to focus in teaching my students, how to be a good teacher by teaching them the things they don’t know, things they forget to know, and to inspire them. I was holding to my plan that I can be a God’s message to everyone when I pass the examination. But this time, He let me be His message when I failed the examination and still I am praising Him for this is His plan. I am holding to his plan that He has something for me and He will give it to me in due time. He teaches me to be patient, because patience is something that is earned and learned.
After a day, I was recovered from the pain.
I failed the examination two times. I might think that I’m dumb and stupid but I am not. I am talented. And I am strong. Nothing can bring a strong woman down as long as she has her God on her back to push her and pull her up from where she stumbled.
Standing up is the hardest part. But it makes you stronger when standing isn’t easy. God is faithful to His promise. He will not let your hardships be in vain.