The Rebound Theory ©2011

by Craig Mercier
(Lewiston, ME)

The concept behind the "rebound theory" is identifying the specifics that define exactly what constitutes a rebound following a relationship.

Everyday since our teenager years we focus some of our future to finding that one true love that we hope to one day marry and spend the rest of our lives with. During that time people struggle to maintain healthy relationships, jump back and forth between boyfriends/girlfriends and always scratch their heads wondering, "What went wrong?" in their last relationship. During the years I have spoken with many couples, friends and failed relationships and have concluded that rebounds are the single common failure amongst individuals when it comes to attempting to establish a relationship and here is why.

As we grow older we have needs and we develop values and character traits that we find ourselves attracted to in that potential boyfriend/girlfriend. Lets call your list of criteria the "Perfect List". In some cases we develop a list of specific traits and values this person must possess that we feel will make them the most compatible to what we are looking for. In most cases we find that there is no one that exists that can meet that entire list. As a result we look for the person that comes the closest meeting that goal. Here is a great example I tell to my friends and the whole concept behind my "Rebound Theory":

For the sake of this example we will use a female as the single person in search of their true love. You have a list of 10 specific items on your Perfect List that you have identified as exactly what you are looking for. Obviously you have difficulty finding someone that meets all ten so instead you look for the guy that has a majority of them. You meet this guy who meets six out of the ten and decide to date this person and in hopes of establishing that relationship. Now you have lowered your standards because you feel your previous ones can't be met. We will discuss lowering your standards in a different chapter.

Now things are going great for a while but overtime you begin to think about those four items in your perfect list that your current guy does bring to the relationship. As time passes by this will begin to eat at you because what a relationship lacks tends to be more on the mind of the person when times are rough. More time passes by and then eventually you realize that the relationship is just not working out so you decide to break it off with that person and begin the daunting task of looking for the next Mr. Right.

As this search beings, yet again, you will find yourself more attracted to the person that satisfies those four needs that the previous relationship lacked. As a result you now forget about those other 6 requirements you had in your Perfect List. Those don't matter at this point because your focus tends to be on what the previous relationship lacked rather than what did and did not work. As a result the relationship between you and the new guy will be based on four out of ten from the Perfect List resulting in a pretty high chance that this relationship will end rather quickly. This is not always the case but for the purpose of this discussion we will assume its true for most people. This is what is defined as a rebound. You focus on what the previous relationship lacked rather than the over all picture resulting in a short and less satisfying relationship.

Some people are afraid to live their lives under the title "single" or "alone" because it leaves a sense of emptiness in their minds. This tends to result in jumping from relationship to relationship not allowing for ample time to get over the previous breakup. This type of behavior can lead to situations that you might not be able to get out of. Placing yourself in this situation is degrading, less satisfying and usually results in a person staying in a relationship that really doesn't want to be in one.

This is my Rebound Theory and while the situations depicted in this story may or may not be true to some it is an opinion based on real life events, relationships and dating trends observed by myself and others. I do not expect other to agree or disagree but rather use the information provided to establish their own opinion. This is a great example of helping people to "think outside the box".

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